I didn't think I was the type to co-sleep, I'm a restless sleeper and it took me long enough to get used to sharing my bed with my other half never mind a baby too! I also used to be quite a heavy sleeper, but I think that changes when you have children, I now wake up completely just from hearing my son cough in his sleep in the other room!
With Ben I never considered co-sleeping, he was never a bad sleeper really, and was sleeping through from a few months old. Like me, he was a very wriggly sleeper and when he was poorly and came into bed with us for hugs I could never sleep at all as he used to constantly kick me, I often waited for him to go to sleep then left him with Daddy and went off to sleep in his bed!
However things were rather different with my daughter. When Elizabeth was born she was a very clingy baby and never settled properly in her moses basket. (We still have M&P moses basket that has been slept in twice!) The only way she was comfortable sleeping was with me, and unless I was happy to sit or stand up all night holding her then the only way I was going to get any sleep was bringing her in to the 'big' bed with us. I have to admit I quite liked it, It felt special that we were inseparable for those first few weeks. As the weeks wore on it became apparent that this worked for us so we moved the unused moses basket out of the room and got a Co-Sleeper cot which slides up against the bed and provides extra space (although I have to admit she doesn't spend much time actually in it!)
As the months passed the inevitable question started to be asked by other mums.... 'Does she sleep through yet?' When I answered, 'no she still feeds a few times during the night' I would get pitying looks until I followed up with, 'But she doesn't really disturb me much as we co-sleep' The pity turned to surprise and disapproval and I even had some quite upsetting comments implying I was putting my baby in unnecessary danger!
This upset me and It became one of those pieces of information I didn't volunteer, If directly asked I would gladly admit that we shared a bed, but I would tend to avoid the topic if it looked like it was being approached. (I guess it's a little bit like admitting to still breastfeeding my daughter at almost 1 but that's another story...)
Today I have read a lot of ill-informed and ignorant comments surrounding this subject and it shouldn't surprise me in this country where not only is the topic jumped upon by the media at every opportunity as a 'dangerous act of irresponsible parents', but even those who we rely up for advice such as midwives or health visitors are 'officially' against it. But why is this? In the majority of cultures around the world co-sleeping is the norm until a baby is weaned from the breast, and in some such as Japan it is normal practice for a family to sleep together until the teenaged years. Although the National childbirth Trust recognises that if safely done it can be beneficial for nursing mothers to share a bed with their babies, the FSID still advices against it.
Should it not be up to a mother to make an informed decision on how and where she feels is best for both her and her child to sleep?
There are of course situations where co-sleeping can be dangerous and parents need to be made aware of these, but not in the form of scaremongering.
Dare I say this attitude that the UK as a whole has towards co-sleeping makes me wonder whether there is a connection to us having one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in this country?
My daughter is approaching one and I am proud to say she was in the just 1 per cent of babies in this country who were exclusively breastfed at six months old, she is still breastfed and will be until she is ready to wean. However I cannot confidently say that we would be in the same situation if we were sleeping separately and I had to get up to feed her multiple times every night. Unfortunately I was not as successful with feeding Ben and resorted to formula at 3 months (a decision I have since regretted) For myself and Elizabeth co-sleeping has definitely helped our breastfeeding journey.
Don't get me wrong Co-sleeping is not for everyone, it is a personal choice and if a mother is uncomfortable sleeping with her baby then neither of them are going to have a good nights sleep. But for breastfeeding mothers, who don't smoke, drink or take medication it is an option that should not be dismissed just because this country has a negative attitude towards it. The research that has grabbed the media's attention today suggests that babies and mother's get a better nights sleep together, that they bond better and even that brain development can be affected negatively by separation when sleeping apart. I cannot comment on the brain development side of things but I can certainly say that both myself and Elizabeth get a better nights sleep than we would if we were separated.
There are some negatives of course, but they are relative. I have now learnt to fit my body into a very limited space between my diagonal daughter and curled up husband. And speaking of the 'other half,' sharing our bed with a little person does limit our 'personal' time together but we manage...
I believe that co-sleeping can be safe if done correctly, and although it is not suited to every family, for some it can provide a better nights sleep, can help with a difficult breastfeeding journey and can be the right choice for both mother and child...
